The Shame Factor.

I’ve talked a lot previously about what a lonely state of being it can be to have such a deep interest in the things I’ve discussed and about some of the things I believe. I’ve talked a lot about what constitutes “proof” and how we relate to information as it pertains to the origin of said information (Is the source trustworthy?). As human beings we need “evidence.” And I will be the first to admit that if someone came to me and said, “I believe the world, along with humans was created by fairies. Elves exist and they use magic to hide themselves from us. Oh, and get this! Gnomes created our entire financial system!” I’d be like, “Wow! This person is batshit insane!” Because that scenario sounds to me much like what the scenario I have described must sound to the average person. I wouldn’t wonder what their source was. I wouldn’t be open to even hearing why they believe it. It’s fucking crazy, ok? And maybe that makes me a hypocrite.

But the big difference between the hypothetical worldview I laid out above and the many coming changes I believe humanity is about to experience is that (thank God!) I am not alone. Much of what I believe comes from years of societal observation and, yes, reading and watching interviews, documentaries, etc. But there is a source I trust above all others and that source is my own intuition. If someone told me, “Dude! Harry Potter is part of a secret program to acclimate us to the idea that magic is real! JK Rowling, if you trace her lineage is a descendent of King Arthur who was really….get this….an acolyte of Merlin the Magician!” I think I would throw up out of my ass. I mean, it sounds great as a short story, but I couldn’t help but laugh if it actually happened. So why haven’t I reacted the same way to the information I’ve absorbed about ETs, UFOs, the Cabal, the Secret Space Program, the Ascension, NESARA, etc.?

Because I trust my intuition. My entire life I have been an extremely intuitive person. It has made me a person who has a great shoulder to lean on and who can offer words I know another person needs to hear, but it has also allowed me to in many cases be highly manipulative. I’m not proud of it, but it is what it is. Folks in the Esoteric Community talk a lot about the Higher Self ( This is a concept that has existed in one form or another in nearly every culture imaginable. Christians might call it the Holy Spirit (that still, small voice that tells us right from wrong). Buddhists document this idea in the Nirvana Sutra, or Mahāyāna Mahāparinirvāṇa Sūtra ( Muslims express this idea via the notion of al-Insān al-Kāmil  (the six organs) while in Hinduism they speak of Jiva, or “individual self” which teaches that the higher self, or Atman is not an object possessed by an individual, but rather that the self is the subject which perceives (  Some may call intuition by a different name; their spirit guide, their guardian angel or even just purely and simply their soul.

I believe the things I do because my higher self tells me it’s true. It really is that simple. When I hear something and it sounds like a lie, 9 times out of 10 I just….know. We all have an internal lie detector but mine (and I’m not trying to sound special) is extremely accurate. The opposite is true as well. When I hear truth, it resonates with me. I recognize it as clearly as ripples on the surface of a pond. It also makes me a pretty good judge of character; I know almost immediately whether someone can be trusted or not. And I don’t have to be in the same room to get that “intuitive hit.” Example: I largely believe what people like Corey Goode, David Wilcock and Emery Smith have to say about this phenomena. But guys like Andrew Basiago and Randy Kramer…I get a red flag. I can’t quite put my finger on it but my intuition says not to trust everything they say even though much of it is the same thing other people have been saying for years. To truly explore every aspect of the phenomena we have to have discernment; the ability to detect what is real and what is disinformation.

So when someone close to me, like my kids or my best friend, asks me, “How can you possibly believe any of this?” I feel embarrassed and ashamed. Almost as if I’m not supposed believe in such things, like I’ve disappointed them or let them down somehow. This is largely why I keep this part of me separate from my immediately family (most of whom, while being wonderful people, are very narrow-minded because of their religious beliefs). In fact, I often feel like I’m bursting at the seams wanting to talk about all of this stuff. It’s one of the reasons I started this blog. It is a way for me to organize my thoughts, to inform others and, maybe, to let people out there like me know that they are neither crazy nor alone.

I will go so far as to say that the existence of life outside of our atmosphere is both the single greatest truth that we will ever learn while at the same time being the biggest secret in the entirety of our history. Name one thing that the government has worked harder to debunk, defame and keep classified than this subject. Yet when anyone tries to dig deeper to find real answers, or somehow try to discuss or report on the layer upon layer of lies and deception they’ve produced, most people are programmed to label them as a freak, a loser. A conspiracy theorist. Well, I have many theories that involve several conspiracies. I guess that makes me guilty. But why is it that the term “conspiracy theorist” is always taken in such a negative light?

If someone has a belief that something is being kept secret in order to help us remain ignorant and keep us in the dark, do we not have a moral obligation to try to expose those secrets? Some say the CIA themselves coined the term “conspiracy theory” just for the purpose of persecuting people like me back in 1967 ( Others say that notion has been debunked ( and that it was actually first used on page 141 of The Journal of Mental Science-Volume 16 way back in 1870:

The theory of Dr. Sankey as to the manner in which these injuries to the chest occurred in asylums deserved our careful attention. It was at least more plausible that the conspiracy theory of Mr. Charles Beade, and the precautionary measure suggested by Dr. Sankey of using a padded waistcoat in recent cases of mania with general paralysis—in which mental condition nearly all these cases under discussion were—seemed to him of practical value.

And while the words above are wildly out of context and irrelevant to the subject matter of this post, who is to say that someone in the CIA wasn’t aware of the term and thought it could be repurposed as a great way to label people they didn’t want disseminating information they wanted kept secret? When that failed to do the trick they ramped up the rhetoric even further by introducing the idea of people wearing tin foil hats to prevent their minds from being read. The idea was first introduced as far back as 1909 in a non-fiction publication called Atomic Consciousness (there’s that word again…hmmmm), wherein self-proclaimed “seer” John Palfrey stated that such a contrivance would actually not be effective in preventing “telepathic impactive impingement.” The idea was to approximate the functionality of a Faraday Cage ( which would reduce the amount of energy that is able to pass into our brain and influence it. Was it ever effective in serving that purpose? The jury is still out on that one.

But author and speaker David Wilcock produced a video called “The Source Field Investigations” that talks a lot about the energy field surrounding not just us but everything as well as how that field is all interconnected:



If you Google “source field” Wikipedia will take you to a short blurb about it which is given purely from a physics standpoint, not from a consciousness standpoint (


But in the context of what the source field is (in Esoteric Community terms) the subject is gone into in much further detail ( which relates to this very interesting video:



Along with a very poignant quote from the great Nikola Tesla:



I always try to share great content when I find it, so I highly encourage inquisitive minds to give the site linked above a proper gander. But in short, the idea of the Source Field (or as some call it, the Zero Point Energy field: is that it is “the infinite energy supply of our God Creator that is contained within All things.” 

Another way of putting it might be that “It’s an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together.” You’re not crazy. That’s a quote from the movie “Star Wars: A New Hope” when Obi-wan Kenobi is telling Luke about the Force. Remember what I’ve been saying recently (if you’ve been keeping up with my posts) about how Project DOVE (a joint partnership between the government and the movie making industry) introduces concepts like these in films in order to acclimate us to esoteric ideas?  Other examples include “Close Encounters of the Third Kind,” “2001: A Space Odyssey” and, more recently, “Jupiter Ascending” (which is both an entertaining sci-fi movie and an extremely disturbing analog to the Draco/Elite/ICC paradigm-Check it out!

So. Should I feel shame in believing in any of this? I don’t think so. But I believe most would say that I should. Maybe they wouldn’t go so far as to suggest I’m mentally unstable, but I do feel at the very least that I’d be labeled “weird” for showing interest in such things. I don’t think I’m important enough for anyone to truly care to be honest. I am mostly ignored when I start talking about this type of thing. In fact, sadly, I get interrupted so often and steamrolled in so many conversations when I start expressing my thoughts or relating to something someone said that it’s quite frustrating. Like I said, I am a great listener. But when given the chance to talk, specifically about personal experiences and beliefs, it’s as if the mind of the person I’m trying to engage flips a “nope switch” and completely and utterly fails to acknowledge anything I’ve said (unless it’s something mundane like, “Where you wanna eat?” or “Wutchu wanna watch?”).

I feel that it’s part of how many of us are subliminally averse to soaking in any information which upsets our current worldview. We say we want change, but we’re afraid of it. We say we want prosperity but we wait for some force from on high to “bless us” with it instead of going after what we want in order to achieve that prosperity. And I’m not talking about wealth or money, necessarily. We can be prosperous in other ways: in spirit, in health, in mind, in love, in relationships with our family. To prosper simply means “to flourish or be successful.”

So, yes. I am very self-conscious when discussing these things with others. Many are simply not ready to hear the information I have to share. Many are only marginally aware of the depth of this phenomenology. They’re still stuck on the Roswell Crash which happened over 80 years ago. They don’t wonder why NASA has cut its budget for expeditions to the moon. They don’t realize that the first known UFO photograph wasn’t from the World War II era but from 1890 taken in Mount Washington, New Hampshire:


Image result for first known ufo picture


They have little interest in wanting to know why 9/11 happened only one day after Donald Rumsfeld went on record saying that 2.3 trillion dollars worth of United States financial transactions could not be accounted for.



They have no interest in hearing about why JFK was assassinated a little over a year after Marilyn Monroe (his rumored mistress) supposedly committed suicide:



They don’t care to contemplate why astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Edgar Mitchell would both say they saw UFOs on the Moon:



Why waste time concerning oneself with why a sculpture of an individual wearing what looks like an astronaut’s helmet was found in Guatemala City dating back over 2,500 years?


Image result for ancient astronaut sculpture


Or why a cross-section of the pineal gland in the human brain so closely resembles the Eye of Horus in ancient hieroglyphs and evokes imagery from teachings about awakening the Third Eye chakra.


Image result for pineal gland eye of horus


Is synchronicity of numbers in our everyday life irrelevant? Humans seek patterns in things but that doesn’t mean when a pattern is found that it doesn’t mean anything. Numerology is an expression of math which, perhaps more than any other language is likely more universally relevant than any spoken one. Is the synchronicity of 11:11 important, for instance? Or what about the number 108? Some readers may not be aware that the Sun is exactly 108 times the diameter of Earth and that the average distance of the Sun from Earth (due to varying seasons) is 108 times the Sun’s diameter and that the average distance from Earth to the Moon is 108 times the Moon’s diameter ( Coincidence? Maybe so, because we like to see coincidence in things too when logic is unable to account for such synchronicity.

Only just today (as of this writing on 11/6/18, Election Day) CNN reported that Harvard astronomers now say the mysterious interstellar object dubbed “Oumuamua” (which means “a messenger that reaches out from the distant past”) that passed through our solar system a little over a year ago was most likely an alien probe. Why? Because it defied all laws of how a natural object not under intelligent control would behave (

But is knowledge like this important? Or should it be ignored? Should it be ignored that it has long been a Hollywood secret that Stanley Kubrick helped produce a video of a fake moon landing ( That doesn’t mean we didn’t go to the moon; obvioulsy we did. But think critically and ask yourself why a video like that would need to be manufactured convincingly.  Some have acknowledge that the video may very well be fake, but that the reason revolves around the importance of the appearance that America arrived there first before any other country beat them to it. Or could it have been that there was something on the Moon that made filming the actual landing too risky should eagle-eyed viewers spot something unexplained in its background?



It’s ironic that Kubrick had long been rumored as the go-to guy and director of the allegedly fake video only to (if the stories are true) die mysteriously after the release of the film “Eyes Wide Shut” which all too convincingly portrayed a group of cult-like socialites performing secret, carnal rituals behind closed doors. Did he really die of cardiac arrest (admittedly not uncommon for a man of that age)? Or did the Cabal/Illuminati ( feel that Kubrick (a rumored member himself) had been compromised by exposing too much of their clandestine world?



These types of fringe explorations of the truth are what keep people like me up at night. And, while that may seem odd or even sad to an uninitiated layman of the strange and unusual, I myself (like Lydia Deetz in “Beetlejuice”) am strange and unusual.



Perhaps I should be embarrassed or ashamed of my interests. Or maybe I’m just projecting because I’m so self-conscious about how negatively such topics have been historically received. Then again, maybe none of this is as interesting as I think it is and people simply just don’t care. Maybe it has nothing to do with the perception of whether attention should or should not be paid to such matters. It could be the truth is that, yes, many of us acknowledge that much of these phenomena have a whiff of truth about them but there simply isn’t anything we can do about it so why bother wasting energy thinking about it? If there is no proof, even if most of us suspect it’s real, why agonize over how to react to it?  It’s a valid reason for disengaging the brain from a conundrum it can’t solve. And I think that’s the very reason why people like me exist.

We don’t turn our heads away when something doesn’t seem right. We continue to think about the things which seem like they have no answers. We feel a calling to explore the unknown, to ask questions that perhaps others hadn’t thought to. When it comes to what may be considered logical perhaps putting faith in science and in facts is what’s called for when trying to think critically. But on the flip side of that coin we must also acknowledge that when science can’t explain something sometimes we have to rely on that inner voice, that spirit within us which is connected to a higher state of being where the rules of matter and the laws of physics and time no longer apply. There is without a doubt a time for hewing to cold, hard facts and insist on pursuing order in logic. But there is also a time to eschew those things and disconnect from them when it poses a hinderance to understanding the ephemeral and the divine.

Though intuition may not have the same applications in the realm of science as it does in the purview of the otherworldly it is still a resource I think we should all be learning to use much more often than we do now.  So while the powers that be have programmed most of us to react with incredulity and guffaw at those whose pursuits are to be met with ridicule and a certain “shame factor” designed to discourage such endeavors, I feel no shame. Caution, perhaps; these are not topics everyone is ready to hear about yet. But I won’t be cowed into silence by a society that has been weaned on inflammatory terminology like “little green men” or “tin foil hat” and “conspiracy theory.” I feel the opposite. I feel excitement. I feel hope. And I feel that sometime very soon, as more and more of us begin to wake up to the truth, we will no longer feel that we need anyone to tell us what’s true or not. What’s “real” or not. We’ll just know it. Intuitively.


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